Everyday when I sit down to meditate or give a Love Energetics session I find myself feeling better than I ever did before. If, every day that I practice I feel more joy than the day before I am left wondering how stuck was I in the beginning. I have come to realize that most of us have very little understanding of what it is to be outside of our current state of mind. Logically this makes sense. If our only reference point is the voice or voices in our head, we do not know what it means to be without them; we do not know what it is like to not have the voice or voices in our head continuously present us with thoughts. If the majority of our thoughts do not help us to feel good then we are often troubled. Having achieved a lot of self-healing, I can now reflect upon some of the different areas in which I was stuck but now flow freely. Perhaps these reflections will provide some insight into your journey of choosing to feel better.
At some point in my youth I was no longer able to be aware of my body and the signals it was giving me. When I first began to meditate in my twenties it was a very difficult process. To sit down and try to watch my thoughts was beyond me. There was so much discomfort in my body and so many racing thoughts in my mind that I felt I got very little benefit out of it. But being a headstrong person I continued to try. In the online content I read I felt that most practitioners recommended breath awareness meditation, so that became my main focus. After a few months, I was still unable to feel a full cycle of breath. Then one day I decided to experiment; that is when I discovered that the easiest place for me to feel my breath was the rise and fall of my shoulders. I realize now that I was so disconnected from my physical body I could not feel what was going on inside. Not knowing what to do I left breath awareness meditation alone and focused on other practices that I felt were more productive. Yoga turned out to be a good tool to help me tune into my body. It was awareness of my movement that allowed me to be more in tune with my body as a whole and to feel the pain, beyond the discomfort, that I didn’t know lay beneath. Years later, after I had received about half-a-dozen Love Energetics energy healing treatments, I discovered that I was able to feel the movement of my breath beyond the rise and fall of my shoulders. Now I can be simultaneously aware of my breath, the movement of my body as well as a number of other things, such as my digestion.
A few months ago I discovered a coping mechanism (belief) I had adopted in my youth. That coping mechanism was to always see my obligations through “rose-colored glasses.” No matter what difficulties I was going through in life, I always found a way to convince myself that things were better than they really were. My coping mechanism was not to see everything as perfectly alright, but rather to force myself into believing that my series of obligations in life were something I had to be happy about regardless of how I felt. So I spent much of my time talking to myself in my head, trying to convince myself that things were the way they were and that there was nothing I could do, so I should just smile and pretend that I enjoyed it. For example, because I had a deep desire to help improve our society and world, I needed a career and employment to reflect this. So I fell into project consulting with the United Nations Environment Programme, helping countries to work towards better biodiversity policies. Every morning on my way to work my mental chatter would be focusing on all the reasons my job made sense for me. I was very good at deceiving myself. I convinced myself for years that that job was perfect for me.
By focusing on why I should be where I was, I never allowed myself space to consider what other opportunities existed; options that would allow me to be much happier and still fulfill my deep desire, my obligation, to make the world a more harmonious place. The cycle was broken once I had given myself enough space to do many of the things I loved. In doing activities that brought me joy I was able to raise my vibration, find my passion and release this mentally exhausting coping mechanism. I no longer need to convince myself that my current obligations, such as leaving the world in better condition than when I came in it, have do be done in a certain way with a forced smile; now, I ask the Universe for guidance on what is the most joyous way to fulfill each passion.
Another coping mechanism that I discovered I had adopted was the belief that I was shy. As a result, when I was around people I didn’t know, I rarely spoke. It turns out that I’m not as shy as I think I am, rather I was largely too intimidated to speak up. For most of my life I have had the subconscious belief that people who knew more than me were superior to me. For example, I spent many years in school and in class after class I always felt that I had to know what I judged to be a sufficient amount before I could contribute effectively. My rationale for not talking was because I felt I had insufficient information and not because I felt shy, although this was my excuse. As a result I rarely said anything in class. In the few classes that I did participate well it was because I had taken the class for a second time or I had accumulated enough knowledge about the subject to speak up. I believed I was an introvert because I didn’t recognize I had placed power in people that I thought were smarter than I was. And back then I thought almost everyone was smarter than I was. As a consequence when I was face-to-face with someone I thought was smarter my mind would frequently go blank. When I look back at the times that I communicated and didn’t communicate I realized it was because I felt intimidated. Through my spiritual work my confidence and ability to understand my emotions grew, as a consequence I gave less and less power to people. Meaning I no longer believe that others are smarter than me. I now believe that we each contribute uniquely to our world and thus we always have something to say.
I’ve come to realize that the biggest way I was stuck was my inability to control my thoughts. For many years being overwhelmed by the incessant stream of disturbing thoughts running through my mind was both exhausting and frustrating. Over time I learned to chip away at the thoughts that were disturbing me. Bit by bit I came to understand the ways in which my thoughts did not serve to make me happier and so I released them. I used many techniques. For examples, in the “Frigidity of Fear” story I explain how I used acceptance to deal with fear and in the “Understanding Self-Denial” story I explain how I use the witness to overcome the patterns of feeling stupid. When I first started out on my spiritual journey, I didn’t realize that I even had the ability to change my thinking. It was through practice of the different techniques that I came to understand that all healing effects the thoughts we have in some way. Now that I can readily release patterns that I see set me back from achieving what I want, my thinking does not overwhelm me. In fact most of the time, the thoughts that pass through my mind encourage and invigorate me into action.
These four short examples on the body, coping mechanisms and thinking demonstrate areas in which I retrospectively realized that I was stuck. In my own time I eventually found the tools, techniques or contradictory beliefs needed to alleviate each one. It is only because I have taken the time to release what I realized did not bring me happiness that I have found a more joyful path. Living from a space of Joy and purpose I can now look back with greater understanding to see the many areas in my life in which I used to have dark, self-sabotaging beliefs. It is my journey to uncover the ways in which my programmings have and continue to impede me and to share them with you so that you may grow as well. When we understand the ways in which we are stuck, we open ourselves up to releasing what is not working to improve our lives, so that all we want and choose to create can flow to us freely.